Thursday, November 17, 2016

[PC stories] I LOST MY FRIENDS BECAUSE I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT MY SEXUALITY

Image result for tomboy gif

Hello, I am a 17 year old girl who is really confused about her sexuality and has self-esteem and friend issues.
I am kind of a tomboy with the way I dress and activities I enjoy.
I have never worn any makeup before or took care of my hair or style it nicely (?)
I guess to put it I mean I wash it and brush it but I wear the same hairstyle every single day.
Despite this, I want to become more girly even though I'm not into shopping for clothes and makeup.
I don't really know where to start..... I only wear sports bras too.

A lot of people think I'm a lesbian at school because of this.
I thought maybe I was bi-sexual or something since I've had serious boy crushes and I have thought a couple of girls were cute but I seem to be more into boys in real life.

In anime like girls and not boys, I even like Yuri more than Yaoi... I have no clue why ... it's such a weird problem.
I don't think i'll ever date someone because nobody would like me in that way.
Maybe i'm straight, I'm so confused.
I feel like I've lost friends because of the way I dress and their interests have changed.
They aren't rude about my appearance I just don't connect with them anymore because I barely see them or talk to them anymore these days.
I'm the one who approaches them but they were the ones who first called me their "best friend" years ago.
I feel left behind, like they made all new friends without me because they joined choirs and take harder class while I didn't.
It's hard for me to make new friends. It really is... everyone has their little friend groups and I seem to not fit in any of them.

I panic every year I have to find a lunch table with people to sit with.
I regret not joining choir with them or taking all the AP and accelerated classes that my "best" friends did.
I feel like they take advantage of me sometimes because how understanding and nice I am about things...
they usually only come to me when they have nobody else.
I'm really sad and disgusted that I have this thought process about them
in general, it's so unlike myself, I hate being jealous but I just am..

The people they befriended probably don't like me because of ugly... appearance.
They always just stare at me and mostly ignore my existence.
I have so much anxiety these days with my future and everything along with these problems.
I've been depressed for quite some time about it and I feel like a nobody and is lonely.

I act happy and friendly to everyone at school and my family...
but I'm not and I've had this state of mind for the last 4 years.
Everyone is growing up, enjoying their life but I'm so far behind them in so many ways.
I am not happy at all but I really want to be.
I feel pathetic since people have more complicated problems but here I am complaining about all this...


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