I'm a mother who gave birth to a 14 months old daughter.
I really think that I have a mental problem.. I'm even considering psychological therapy.
Like the title says, I wish that my daughter would disappear.. I also thought about giving her out for adoption.
When I got married, I didn't want to have a kid. But my husband persuaded me so I agreed to have only one.
And that's how I gave birth? My daughter is not pretty at all and she just seems like a hindrance to my life. I often see her sleeping and smiling face, there are some times when my daughter looks pretty to me. But still, everyday at dawn, she would wake up, cry and shout.. when it's bad, she wakes up over more than 10 times.
Most of the time, her crying gets really bad. When she does that, I just feel so furious inside of me, and it's so hard to manage my anger in front of her. She also kicks me and pushes me away when she cries. I did curse in front of my kid.
I even thought that it would have been better if my husband dropped her my accident when she was still a new born infant.
After giving birth to my kid, my hormones changed. I never got any blemishes on my face but ever since then, it's covered with acne. I wasn't able to manage myself during my pregnancy and my face is now ruined..
Also, I still am not able to stop my hair loss ever since. My tummy and chest are covered with stretchmarks.. I got a c-section and the scar still looks gross.
My body is all ruined after I gave birth... the sides of my knees are all filled with water(?) and once, I got a flu and had to lie down in my bed for over a month..
I've never had diabetes before, but after I gave birth, I now have gestational diabetes and my blood sugars went up... I have to control everything I eat now
Seriously, everything about my body changed after I gave birth. It just seems like everything is happening to me right now was because of my kid.. I originally didn't even want a kid but I fell for my husband's persuasion since I trusted him so much.. even my husband's family pressured me.
I'm just fed up with everything and I don't wanna do anything.. I just feel lethargic and depressed all day long.
If I knew that I would turn out like this, I would have never given birth. I regret this decision countless times everyday.
What's funny is that right now, my daughter is at the kindergarten all day.. and I'm working from home.. I just wish that something happens to her. I see my kid at the same time my husband finishes work. My husband then puts my kid to sleep and when she wakes up at dawn, he goes see her.
My husband does all the house work too.
Are there any other people who have had this experience before? Will it get better if I go on therapy?
To be honest, I do feel a bit scared to go see the psychologist... but should I do it for mine and my kid's sake?
(T/N: picture not included)
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