So I recently found out the term
aquarium through pann-choa, and I felt kind of attacked because to some extent
I feel like I'm like that lmao. I don't know but I'm pretty sure a lot of the
girls here can relate.
I'm really sorry if this sounds conceited, but somehow,
almost all of the guys I become friends with end up low-key liking me.
Tbh I
don't want to deal with it.
I'm quite friendly, but otherwise I don't really
understand why anyone would fall for me.
In middle school, I was really
reserved and had no interest in boys.
But starting in 8th grade it seemed like
how they looked at me was different.
For example they started "protecting
me" in gym (I'm super unathletic) by guarding my goal, or catching the
ball for me during dodgeball lol. Or they would give me uncomfortably long
hugs, share food with me, sit near me etc.
Honestly I have no feelings for them
besides friendliness, even if I know I should logically be attracted to them
(eg they're conventionally attractive, nice, etc) so I just kind of smile and
pretend I don't know what's going on because I feel like it's super
uncomfortable to talk about it.
In high school (I'm in uni now) I got asked out
over two dozen times in ways that ranged from very subtle to really serious,
but I couldn't feel my heart flutter at all.
I lost a lot of guy friends over
this and I feel burdened because I feel like I shouldn't lead anyone on, but I
also just would like to have guy friends?!
I feel manipulative because even
though I catch on quickly and know how they feel I pretend like I don't notice.
The guys can be really bitter when they realize I don't like them back, and I
know it's my fault for letting it get that far.
On some level I know I like the
attention, which makes me disgusted with myself.
I actually haven't dated
anyone yet, because it's super hard for me to like someone romantically (I've
been into kpop for over 5 years and the only guys I've legit fallen for rather
than fangirl over are Minhyun and Seongwoo after P101 LOL) and I feel like by
approaching someone I like I will make then feel as uncomfortable/responsible
as these guys have sometimes made me.
Does anyone have any tips for how to stop
being an aquarium...?!
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