Sunday, November 20, 2016


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Age : 21 Hey people! It’s a complicated story (lots of you will say this is too dramatic to actually happen but it’s real and I hope you take it seriously because I’m actually troubled right now), and to start I’d like to give you some background information. Sorry for the abundant information. 1: My parents are having a pretty shaky relationship and they had me when my mum was a teen (16).
She was kicked out from home, my dad received funds from his family and
he moved to a different country and they gave birth to me there.
My dad’s been travelling a lot with my grandfather because of work,
so he moved from country to country quite frequently.
My mum has a different nationality from him,
and I’m different from the 2 of them.
This affected my sense of “identity” a lot as a child and got bullied for it. 2: At 16 we found out I had an older brother,
after his mom passed away my father brought him back home to us.
We got into quite a few issues, and there was a period where we denied being siblings
as when I first met him I thought he was just a random guy and he the same.
We were not aware. 3: At 16 I also had my very first boyfriend after believing that I did not need “love” in my life
because I only saw suffering as a side effect of love from my parents. The issue at hand right now is that I think I’m going through the same issues as my parents did I think.
I had a lot of “flings” when I was younger and when I got into a serious relationship where the guy was not accepting “skinship” I could not handle it.
My boyfriend unlike me, is very religious and his religion does not permit for him to have a sexual relationship before marriage,
and so the most we got to was kissing and he sometimes refutes that as well.
However I truly believed that I had loved him,
so we stayed together for a couple of months until we broke up because I didn’t want to hurt him.
We’ve been on and off for 5 years now,
however we have finally settled down and decided to get engaged.
Crazy, I know, but it was a in the moment kinda thing.
His parents have accepted me, however my parents and my grandfather (fathers side) refuse to accept my marriage to a guy from a certain ethnicity/religion.
They do not mind that I’m getting married early and this is the only problem they have with our relationship. I do not understand.
This is the one time I feel loved and feel like i’m doing something for me but why does everything seem to be against me?
I feel like no one understands me, my brother is useless as we were never “siblings” close,
and my parents think that I'm an attention seeker (They also think I smoke because of that reason).
I have always sacrificed myself for them, as a child I was made fun of because they weren’t married while all other kids had married parents.
My teachers and other parents never took my mom seriously because of her age and always looked down on me for that exact same reason.
And yet I said nothing.
My grandfather, who permitted my father to have all those wrong relationships,
why can’t he see that this is what I really want?
Who knows how many more children my father has tbh,
but apparently that’s fine but I have to get married to a responsible person
with a stable job and good income for him to be satisfied.
My boyfriend is also not helping at all,
he’s acting like the victim in all this when I am the victim and always have been.
He didn’t want an active relationship and I accepted that cause I love him very much,
I’m the one who sacrificed a lot here. I’m the one that should be crying and disapproving if anything,
why are they being like this??
I’m starting to question my life right now and I don’t know what it is that I want anymore,
I'm starting to want nothing.
I feel so lost in this mess of my family, which is why I need guidance.
If you were in my situation what would you do? Should I get married without my parents approval?
(I don’t want to end up like my mum)
Should I run away and live freely?
(I don’t want to end up like my dad)
And in the midst of this all my grandfathers only thinks about money and family reputation,
well how about he checks out his son first.
I do not want to break whatever bonds I have with my family,
because these 4 people are the only “family” I ever had. Why is that that no one seems to understand that I'm the victim in all of this?

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