Friday, September 23, 2016


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Age: 21 Me and my boyfriend will celebrate our 1 year anniversary next month. He was my first and same for him. We’re sexually active in our relationship just like any other couples. He’s a caring and considerate partner. We’re serious about each other and have talked about being together for long term and there is commitment. But inside of me, there is this constant fights because of views on premarital sex from where I was raised vs where I lived in my teenage years till now. I was born in Asia and came to America alone when I was 14 . I have family members here but not my parents. You know teenage years and onward are when you explore your sexuality and all that. I wasn’t pressured to do it early or anything, I feel like he’s the right one. My head is a constant battle of 1/ Where I was born and raised, premarital sex is looked down upon. My head screams you slut!! You should have wait!!. I keep thinking about how my friends and family will judge and look at me in disgust and disappointment and I feel so ashamed of myself. I did nothing wrong, I don’t sleep around and I’m responsible but there’s that part of me that keep giving me images of my loved ones criticize me for this choice. Then I question and criticize myself, maybe I should have wait so I don’t have to feel dirty and slutty. I get conscious and think my boyfriend’s friends , who live in the same apartment complex, judge me when they see me stay over at his place or my friends might know we took that step when they see we’re being extra comfortable with each other. 2/ America where I spent my teenage years and change my views on sex. I constantly see people being open-minded about sex. There are articles on people sexual experience, this 14 year old freshman in high school talked about his first time right in front of me in Physic class, sex is this normal and openly-viewed thing. I came to think of it as part of human nature. There’s nothing wrong with being sexually active as long as you take responsibility and be mature about it. When you get intimate in a relationship, you’re bound to take things to the next level. It’s hard to go for abstinence at this point, maybe we can but this side of me screams why do you have to suppress something that is a part of you and is natural? You did nothing wrong, you’re in a committed relationship with a caring partner. The Asian point of view is outdated and misogynistic as they think a girl lose their worth if they lost their virginity!!11!! It doesn’t help that my friends belong to either one of this category but not in between like me. I have 2 friends that were born in Asia and met here in America. They dated for 4 years and the farthest they go is a kiss. Her family doesn’t allow him to go into her room and he always take her home before 10pm. They never travel alone because her family doesn’t agree. To them, premarital sex is rebellious. On the other side, I have American-born Asian friends who are pretty open about this. They have sex with whoever they date and have no problem. They wasn’t raise with the mindset of “if you lose your virginity before marriage, you’re a sham and disappointment “. We text and this 1 friend would tell me how she had sex in the car with her ex, then a few months later she got a new boyfriend. Im stuck in between, can someone please ease my mind? Sometimes it’s hard being a girl…


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