Sunday, June 3, 2018


At first, when I joined his fandom, anything he does looked pretty and cool to me. I just liked him so much that I was going crazy. I looked up all the videos of him and found him so lovely. Seriously, after I joined his fandom, I only had thoughts about him all day and just thinking about him made my heart race. I would passionately watch all his music broadcasts and variety shows without fault.

Naturally, I started talking more and more about my bias on community sites.
I also bought his albums, joined his official fan cafe and started buying his goods. It was then that I started spending more and more money on him.
Eventually, I ended up going to his concert. At the concert, I was really excited and happy but once it ended, the reality hit me. I had a period of lassitude, but then, my love for my bias came back like before and I attended his concert again just to feel the same thing again. This feeling kept on coming and going back and forth.

But then I was going back to the old posts about my bias and saw a lot of things related to his past (ex. his ex-gf, his love life, his personality, etc.). I knew every little detail about him.
But then, I started thinking about how he might be totally different in real life and started to have my first period of stress. But then, my bias confirmed that the rumors about his past were fake so I found myself back to fangirling on him.

But then, I started seeing malicious comments about him and people making up bad rumors about him and I had my 2nd period of stress. Our fandom started fighting off each other. My life was failing apart at that time while my bias was still doing well. I started feeling shameful towards my life and had my 3rd period of stress.

But despite everything, my bias always was so pretty and cherished his fans so much that I just kept enduring everything one after the other and my mentality became stronger and stronger. It was to a point where I would be able to ignore every rumor about him and I wouldn't even care one bit about them.

at some point, very randomly, my bias whom I was seeing every day just started to look so unfamiliar(?) to me.
As I was fangirling, I suddenly thought "what am I doing?" and I seriously got a reality check.

Ultimately, my bias has never done anything super controversial or dumb. It's just that I was looking through his pictures, I suddenly felt like I was being splashed by cold water.

For example, when I used to browse the community sites about my bias and saw a post about him, I would always leave comments like "(my bias name), I love you <3" or "pretty <3" or "he's so precious", etc. But suddenly, I would see posts about him now and he would just look so unfamiliar to me that my affection towards him just disappeared? I have no proper reason about why I'm feeling like this but I just don't feel as high-spirited anymore when I see him.

I spent money for his group for 2 years. I poured out my life for him and passionately fangirled on him. But what was my reason? Why did I have to buy multiple albums? For a moment, I just thought that I was crazy and that's when I started to get away from him.
I just don't feel any emotions towards him anymore and because of this, I cleanly left his fandom.

Ah seriously, I feel so down and vain.
What should I do..ㅠ

post response:
original post: here

ㅇㅇ |2018.06.02 10:22 신고하기
I think that you will start feeling like this if you invest excessively in them. If you feel positive when fangirling about your bias, I don't think that you would have experienced this

ㅇㅇ |2018.06.02 02:10 신고하기
If I can say this in a blunt way, you have to keep your head out of the water when fangirling on your bias. I understand investing your mind, body and money for your bias but once you cross your own limit, you will end up having a reality check. When fangirling, you have to think about your own life and about your future too since they are more important.. If you keep on fangirling in an irrational way, you will feel even more emptiness 

ㅇㅇ |2018.06.02 02:26 신고하기
From the way I see it, OP says that she endured through all his rumors and such but I feel like she didn't really felt that way deep inside of her. She probably was affected by his rumors and she wasn't blinded by her love for him anymore. So after that, she couldn't see him the same way anymore. I think that OP left the fandom because she fangirled too irrationally and spent too much money on him...

ㅇ |2018.06.02 20:06 신고하기
This is what I felt when I left my bias' fandom, that the true winners are muggles..


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