Sunday, July 8, 2018


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Honestly, I'm not happy right now.

I gave up on my goal and seeing how the company I'm working with currently is treating me,
I'm making so much sacrifices and I'm consistently under extreme stress.
My fatigue just accumulates and I'm feeling my body deteriorating.

Even though I'm meeting my friends, it's not as comfortable nor as enjoyable as when I was in middle/high school.
But even so, I can share about my issues and concerns with them?
Of course my friends and I share the same hardships from the moment we tried looking for jobs up to when we are working at our jobs.
We sympathize with each other and talk about our emotions and curse together but...
Even so, every time we have to meet, we talk about the same topics over the phone,
we always arrive at the same conclusions and only talk about our own misfortunes.
At first, it was refreshing but now, it just feels stuffy.

All this time, I thought that being happy equalled being satisfied.
So in everything I did, I thought that as long as I was satisfied with the outcome, I would feel happiness...
I don't think that I was wrong to think like that but,
I started to get lost in my own definition of "satisfactory" and I felt like I was not being honest with my own emotions.

Not long ago, I was reading Murakami Haruki's 'Afternoon of the Islets of Langerhans' (T/N: one of our favorite authors!! :) )
And I was pondering about 'so-hwak-haeng' a lot.
"Even though it's small, it will surely be happiness" (T/N: So = small Hwak = surely Haeng = happiness)...
Small things like breaking off a fresh loaf of bread and eating it,
putting on a freshly washed shirt, savoring the little things of life to find happiness...
I tried applying this mindset in my every day life, but I'm not sure if I'm just not conscious of it, or if I'm not used to it but even finding small things that make me happy isn't a simple thing to do.
Everything is just difficult.
Nothing is easy to solve...
Why do things look so difficult to me? I don't know.

Even so I was interested in this 'so-hwak-haeng' idea.
Although it didn't change my life completely, I started to refresh my feelings based on every situation and tried sticking to it every day.

But because of my search of happiness, I've recently became confused.
When will I ever be happy? What will make me happy?
If I try tracing back to my happy memories, they just look hazy and I feel like the happiness that I felt back then is slipping away.
I feel like I'm becoming numb to happiness and that I'm just looking for something stronger.

In the end, I went back to my idea that happiness will come when I will be satisfied.
If I can't be satisfied with myself, I will not be able to feel happy...
Ah........................... my mind is so complex.
The standards to being happy became a blur to me and everything became difficult huh...

I think that it's a good thing for everyone to share what makes them happy and that everyone has their own ways to be happy.
Everyone, are you happy? What was your happy memory?

post response:
original post: here

또로 |2018.07.08 11:18 신고하기
There are a lot of people who don't know that they are happy even though they are.

111 |2018.07.08 11:36 신고하기
There are a lot of moments in my life where I look back and think "I was happy back then". Enjoying the moment back then is happiness for me. Coming home after work, drinking a can of beer and ending my day like that makes me feel the happiest

ㅁ |2018.07.08 11:22 신고하기
I can feel how exhausted you are with life through this post. I think that happiness depends on your values

삐유삐유 |2018.07.08 17:02 신고하기
If you are sick and become healthy again, I think that you can feel happiness

ㅎㄷㄷ |2018.07.08 20:41 신고하기
People who have difficulty experiencing happiness will also have a hard time knowing when they are happy


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